The nurse hands me my son. He’s minutes old, hued in that familiar, faint purple newborn flesh. I take his tiny body in my hands, which seem massive in proportion, and bring him to my chest. He’s draped in standard-issue hospital swaddle, no longer crying as his tiny cheek and the small O-shape of his […]
A few nights ago, I spoke to one of my half-siblings over the phone. These days, on the precipice of learning once and for all who ‘dad’ is, these conversations are happening more often. “It’s crazy to think this might finally be done,” she said, then pondered out-loud, “How long has it been since this […]
Four hours faded from the day between the time I received her message – we’ll call ‘her’ Anna — and the time we were to FaceTime. As 5:30pm approached, I felt physical tension in my arms and chest, like a coiled, tightly bound cluster of cables. Breathing became a conscious act, an exercise in intentional […]
In early September 2017, I rode my bike four short blocks to the Holocaust Memorial Miami Beach. I’d lived near the intersection of 17th Street and Washington Avenue for three years — next to a synagogue — and drove past the haunting memorial and sculpture most days on my way to and from work. I […]
Writer’s note: I am writing this in week 21 of a healthy pregnancy, as my wife and I anticipate the June 2021 arrival of our baby boy. But, he is in fact our second pregnancy. This story is about our first. April 28, 2020. This is the most stunning Saturday I’ve seen in months. The […]
(Continued) October 2017: Morgan zooms in to show us his picture. And in an instant, the whimsical nature of our curiosity is gone. Because in that picture is a bald man, with crow’s feet set around bright blue eyes. And he looks strikingly like three people we know. Us. Our nervous bursts of laughter precede […]
It’s time for a confession. This post, and the next, are ones I’ve wanted to write for close to three years. Clearly, I haven’t. To date, I’ve gone to great personal depths in these pages. I generally write to the edge of my vulnerability and stop. But, most of the first 15,000(ish) words you’ve read […]
In late September 2017, I was baptized as an unwitting new member into the community of the donor conceived. It’s an intense, tightly-knit one, though it would be months before I’d know that for myself. In the early days, I had enough to handle with unpacking the sudden dysphoria in my own head. There was […]
It’s been nearly three years to the day of learning that I am donor conceived, and not my father’s biological son. In that time, I have written extensively about most of my thoughts and experiences. That includes the cast of characters involved in the story, with special attention paid to my dad and sister, as […]
The advent of spit-in-a-vile, mail order DNA tests has made the long-held notion of donor anonymity a relic of the past. But, it’s left scores of children in its wake who have substantive questions of identity. And for many, those questions are debilitating. I am part of several virtual support groups for donor conceived children, and it’s by and large not a happy forum.
