In August this year, my brother CJ took his life. It’s been five months, disorienting as that is to write. The permanence and the suddenness of it still defies words, and because words are how I make sense of the world, I’m still not sure how to digest the act of his suicide. I’ve certainly […]
10 months ago, I confirmed that Dr. Morris Wortman, my mother’s fertility doctor, is my biological father. Two weeks ago, I sat in front of the TV and watched myself on Good Morning America as I discussed that and more with Nightline anchor, Juju Chang. If you’ve been following along, the above is both a concise summary of all […]
If you invested any of your time and energy with me while my story was unfolding, I owe you an apology. Eight months ago, I buried the lede about the biggest revelation of this ongoing story, and then I disappeared. Spoiler: my biological father is, in fact, my mother’s fertility doctor. I could bore you […]
People told me parenting would be hard. No one told me it might be because I wouldn’t feel particularly connected to my own child. Or that shaming myself into silence for feeling that way would only make it harder. It was the 4th of July. After struggling to hand-feed my stubborn 14-year-old diva Shih Tzu […]
The nurse hands me my son. He’s minutes old, hued in that familiar, faint purple newborn flesh. I take his tiny body in my hands, which seem massive in proportion, and bring him to my chest. He’s draped in standard-issue hospital swaddle, no longer crying as his tiny cheek and the small O-shape of his […]
A few nights ago, I spoke to one of my half-siblings over the phone. These days, on the precipice of learning once and for all who ‘dad’ is, these conversations are happening more often. “It’s crazy to think this might finally be done,” she said, then pondered out-loud, “How long has it been since this […]
Four hours faded from the day between the time I received her message – we’ll call ‘her’ Anna — and the time we were to FaceTime. As 5:30pm approached, I felt physical tension in my arms and chest, like a coiled, tightly bound cluster of cables. Breathing became a conscious act, an exercise in intentional […]
In early September 2017, I rode my bike four short blocks to the Holocaust Memorial Miami Beach. I’d lived near the intersection of 17th Street and Washington Avenue for three years — next to a synagogue — and drove past the haunting memorial and sculpture most days on my way to and from work. I […]
Writer’s note: I am writing this in week 21 of a healthy pregnancy, as my wife and I anticipate the June 2021 arrival of our baby boy. But, he is in fact our second pregnancy. This story is about our first. April 28, 2020. This is the most stunning Saturday I’ve seen in months. The […]
(Continued) October 2017: Morgan zooms in to show us his picture. And in an instant, the whimsical nature of our curiosity is gone. Because in that picture is a bald man, with crow’s feet set around bright blue eyes. And he looks strikingly like three people we know. Us. Our nervous bursts of laughter precede […]
